detoxification.

i am totally lacking ambition at the moment. only sentiment. every since i got back from tel aviv, i wanted nothing to deal with work. i went to teach the next morning with severe jet lag--this student followed me around like i am her best buddy from the old time. i had such grand plan for them--all my marxist feminist tricks. but who am i. i am nothing. just this young person with unrealistic dreams. and fuck up a lot. who am i , to be the teacher. how do i say, at the end of the day, i really just wanna have a cigaret on my sofa with a glass of wine and watch this show "portlandia" that makes fun of hipsters then fall asleep.  all i want to do is keep traveling--to get as far as i can from all the crap at work. the dysfunctional department, the opportunists. i hate the opportunists the most--who think by having anything to do with occupy wall street then they are the revolutionaries, the conscious leaders above the mass. all they get is the sweet little favors from professors. oh how you are an activist scholar. fuck it. i want nothing to do with fucking activist scholars.

i am tired. i am indifferent. i wanna be washed out by the ocean. i want to be zero. just like the air. just exist.