Looking for a job has been a stressful process. I feel like I'm stuck in a weird time, waiting to hear back from school and to move, but somehow it's still important to get a decent job so I can be treated like a normal adult. Six applications this week. More waiting. I don't know if it's because I have this so-called cultural issue of not knowing how to sell myself or the economy is just that bad. I almost felt okay last weekend, thinking that I should use this time to read, write, organize, volunteer, and maybe finally learn to cook. One phone call from my mom where she said, "if you are not doing anything in America, you should pack your bag and come back to Taiwan," totally destroyed my inner peaceful state with my unemployment.
This is it. Under the Capitalist structure it is hard to feel like a decent human being without a job. The funny thing is, no one around me who has a job loves working anyway. We are all just trying to get by, probably with some hope of upward mobility.
But fuck I can't just go back and live in my parents' guest room now pretend that the world is still a cute and fuzzy place with lots of good street foods. They almost make it sound so easy for me and I hate the misguided feeling of comfort. I hate this nasty rain in Seattle but it always reminds me that life is a struggle. There are things needed to be fought for. I feel calmer living with this state of mind than pretending that the world is made for us. And that there will always be warm meals on the table at 6:30pm when you go home.
But hey can you just freaking call me back, H&M??!! I would even try Banana Republic but i might just be too Asian or too queer for them.
Jane mee's awesome article on queer liberation and class struggle:
Queer Liberation is Class Struggle
da wen, i will be in the same boat as you when i get back. the last day of hols for me is also a wake up call into reality of being broke but i feel like i prefer it more to the rosiness/fakeness/not being the totality of who i am-ness.
ReplyDeleteanyways, hang in there. job search is 1) like another job and 2) a fucking mental and economic warfare. lets do it together!! and if not, let's make sure we have a structure for ourselves so we dont feel like slackers:)
it's not you. it's the damn economic crisis and the "jobless" recovery...
加油！！！
BTW, i think Chinese New Year is on Valentines Day specially for you and Lindsay:))!
that would be really helpful to go through this process together! it sucks to feel unskilled according their standards.
ReplyDeleteyesss at least i can look forward to the double-annivarsary this year ;) let's celebrate it together with hot pot or something!