二十二歲不老不小。有的也是愛和熱血。

二十二歲了。在充滿時尚男同志的lounge/展覽場慶祝這個並不太令人興奮的年紀。越長大越覺得生命是該貢獻給更大的世界。這大概是為什麼越來越少感覺寂寞了，覺得寂寞的感覺是很奢侈的。即便因為organizing而因為politics的不同，而和以前一些彷彿靠近的朋友漸漸疏離了，身邊現在有的這個community卻也是越來越緊密強壯的。那天女朋友突來的脆弱，說，會不會有一天因為我們的politics而走散呢？我說妳的支持對我來說已經太多太多了，每個人發揮自己politics的方式都不同--並不是所有的人都可以在organizing中找到精神上的報酬或者滿足。要我像妳一樣一天接一百多通危機狀態的諮詢電話我大概也會發瘋的。二十二歲。媽媽打電話來說，噢，妳還是個小孩！我想關於小孩或成人的分隔線對家長來說大概是非常獨裁的。二十二歲。學到越多越感覺謙卑，還有太多太多的事情要向這個世界學習。這個階段，除了盡全力準備未來的研究工作和徹底施行我的politics，還要好好愛身邊的人。成為給於這個community營養的一部份力量。

My choice to live a queer life- yes, i said choice!

Some mainstream gay rights advocates are looking for a "gay gene" that determines homosexuality to argue that "gay people are born this way" or "god created us this way" in order to get equal rights. To me, it's the most defeated and sloppiest way to talk about queerness. I've known my attration toward women since i was 13 and definitely had displayed some typical "tomboyish" pattern while i was growing up. But if people ask me if queerness is biological or or choice, i would no doubt saying that it's my choice.

Desire is such a complicated human behavior to be reduced to one simple gene, one trait, or one dispositional theory. Even personality theorists cannot claim that some overt behavioral patterns such as agression are genetic consequences. How can they talk about queerness as a purely genetic cause? When our communities have the most complex and creative identities- fagdyke, boygirl, MSM, bidyke, heteroflexible - the list goes on, it is too boring and unspectful to say, all of us are just doomed to be gay because we were born this way. Was i born as a fagdyke? I highly doubt it. I mean, my genetic disposition- if it did exist -would be more like a bottom gay boy than a fagdyke. Desire is not just an impulse of who you wanna fuck, who you wanna cuddle with at night, or who you will most likely hit on after 3 drinks on Saturday night in a bar. Desire is how we are socialized to display outselves, to attract others, to be turned on by certain body types or tones of voice, to feel comfortable having sex with, to choose a career, to be drawn to different kinds of activities, to decide who to vote for, to deal with our family in a particular way, to mkae friends with what type of people, to decide if a long walk on the beach or taking your short off in a sweaty noisy punk-rock concert is more of your thing, to have certain politics. Desire is absolutely more than a fuck, a gender, a personality trait of how feminine/masculine you are. Desire is a complicated cognitive decision process that is too hot to be explained as one dead gene.

When i came out to my mom (unsucessfully) few years ago, she asked me if it's biological or what. I actually told her it's more of less my own personal choice. Maybe genes have to do with how sharp my jaw lines or how small my boobs are, but being with women and identifying as queer are definitely a more thoughtful decision for me than an uncotrollable impulse. Of course Mom didn't buy it and thought i was just not trying hard enough to fuck men. But i felt good to come out this way and not pretend to be a victim to seek tolerance. Maybe it is because i have had the privileges to choose my queerness and not be bashed to death in the streets so far, but just like everything else in my life, i take the full consequences of it but also make the best out of it. I would argue too, heterosexuality is not something natural, a genetic disposition, a human reproductive instinct or whatever. Heteroseuxlity is a choice just like how queerness is a choice. The differnce is that the society makes it easier for people to choose to be heterosexul and once you block out every other queer option, they give you a whole lifetime hetero pacakge for FREE.

To me being queer is to identity with the struggles with everyone who is oppressed, restrainted, ostracized, kicked out of home. Being queer is to break all borders that prohibit us from connecting with one another. Being queer is to be ready to fight for a kind of liberaiton that's not only for those white gay men whose only regret of their lives are not being able to marry the men they want, but to fight for a kind of liberaion that overthrows white supremacy- and look fierce while we are doing it.

反殖民學習的另一種產物。

一整個下午讀著陳芳明寫的《殖民地台灣。左翼政治運動史論》，想著自己不在台灣，組織這群東非、東南亞、韓國移民的學校工友的動力也許大部分也是來自於這樣的鄉愁。說鄉愁感覺很陳腐，但我看見這群我爸媽同年紀的工友很難不想到他們。(上禮拜的遊行完他們還買pizza給我們吃！)畢業典禮結束的那個下午媽媽從台灣打電話來，急切的問我有沒有拍穿學士服的照片。我的整個心情還掛在抗爭Robert Gates以及組員被逮捕的忿怒和焦慮之中，但這一切最好也太難說明白。我只能說畢業典禮太熱了所以我提早離開。一半的自己時常提醒著自己在這裡的行動主義也緊密牽繫著台灣的社會運動。事實是，台灣曾有的抗清和抗日的反帝國反殖民左翼運動被我們的資本教育成功的抹去。現在學習只是為了找一份溫飽的工作而非解放思想。希望藉由在美國與不同的亞裔行動主義者的合作來塑造一個新的亞洲身分，一個非模範少數、非資本昏頭亞洲四小龍、非巨大購物商場貼白人屁股的亞洲身分。我們不能只等待第三個intifada崛起、或者另一個天安門事件發生...

我想家。但現在還不是回去的時候。。iris在台灣學混音。val和三個舞者勾結準備拍半小時的紀錄片。芝芝畢業了也考上想進的學校。有時候我也覺得寂寞(還是lindsay去舊金山六天的關係？)我想念妳們。至少JM在這裡還可以跟我用中文在咖啡廳偷講愚蠢美國人的壞話。

和種族岐視沙豬的戰役是場長期抗爭。

畢業了。在畢業典禮之外之內針對美國國防大臣Robert Gates的抗爭示威，大概是對我這四年之中所學的一切最恰當的結束方式。華大邀請這個要為伊拉克和阿富汗戰爭負責的戰犯來為畢業典禮演講，還給他頒榮譽博士，絕對是超過我的道德和精神可以忍耐的程度。Democracy Insurgent, World Can't Wait, Revolutionary Socialist Party和其他一些西雅圖當地的行動主義組織圍繞在典禮的外頭，喊著"CELEBRATE GRADUATION, NOT FOR WAR AND OCCUPATION"。計劃是當Gates演講時，場內的畢業生就地起立背向他抗議。無法忍受四個小時艷陽和熱得半死的愚蠢畢業黑袍的我，選擇坐在觀眾席和我的組員們舉告示抗爭。事前我們和警方協商好，這是一個和平的抗爭，警方說沒有問題，只要我們不干擾Gates的演說。Gates起立接受榮譽博士（on what? killing people of color?!），我們噓他，身旁的白人家長給我們使難看的眼色，工作人員走來要我們離開場地，我說我們已經和警方說好，這是一個非暴力的和平抗爭。Gates開始演講，我們起身，一併背向他，後排的觀眾開始罵髒話要我們離開，兩個警官走來，警告我們得坐下否則我們必須離開，我說我們已經協商好，只要不干擾演講本身，和平的抗爭是合法的。警官抓著我們其中一位中東裔的成員Khalil，再一次警告他離開，我們說，我們從不同的警方得到混淆的消息，我們有權利在場內和平抗爭。警官硬生生逮捕Khalil，我們迅速跟上。我們圍繞在警察辦公室外喊著"UW STOP RACIAL PROFILING"！當時一共有十位左右的成員同我們在場內抗爭，而警方只鎖定我們唯一的中東成員，這不是種族貌相還能是什麼？！一名中東男子和我們一塊追了過來，把巴勒斯坦的旗子圍繞在身上和我們團結抗爭。緊急連絡各台的記者轉播現況。十多分鐘後警方把Khalil釋放出來，並沒有說控告的罪是什麼。最讓我憤怒的是，觀眾群對我們的暴力。起身抗議時，兩三個成員被無理的觀眾推打。而當Khalil被逮捕時，一個白人觀眾諷刺的說"well sorry it didn't work out for you!"另一個則叫我們"go fuck your mothers"。他媽的種族歧視豬。Jane mee當著那白人男人的臉罵他"you fucking cracker"。

華盛頓大學這所自稱為自由主義的學校其實和軍方有著非常緊密的關係。整個畢業典禮幾乎像是要啟程出戰的歡送會還是什麼。我只是慶幸我終於結束了和這個學校的一切。一個民主的大規模社會運動建立在每日的行動主義。行動主義並不是一個月參加一次演講，一個季節參與一次遊行，或在同志大遊行之中裸體，革命的運動必須有基進的青年行動。而身為一個基進行動主義者其實是孤獨的，這次的抗爭更讓我明白，我無法再忍受只說不做又想要討好所有人的liberals。當危機發生時，你可以看清其實人性可以那麼醜陋。

Protest Robert Gates on YouTube

Seattle PI's coverage of the protest

City of Borders: 酷兒猶太復國主義下的媒體產品

The documentary City of Borders centers on a gay bar Shushan in Jerusalem, a place that brings together Palestinians, Jewish Israelis, Arabic Israelis, Jewish Arabs, religious or atheist, queer, straight and drag queens. The bar serves as a place that embraces all conflicts of sexualities, religions, nationalities, geography, and occupation through queer desires and the common human need for belonging. The film itself, however, is not as optimistic as it wants to be. Sa'ar Netanel, a secular Israeli who owns the bar and serves as the first openly gay member of the city council in Jerusalem, has to constantly deals with not only the homophobic threats while he is putting on Jerusalem's Gay Pride Parade in 2005 but also homophobic hostilities from mostly orthodox Israeli politicians. The film presents the tension between the two cities- Tel Aviv and Jerusalem. While Tel Aviv portrays itself as the liberal, Capitalist Disneyland for gays, Jerusalem is seen as a sacred land that needs to preserve its tradition and conservatism- which is translated by some orthodoxes as gay bashing.

In this conservative climate of Jerusalem, the film goes in depth to examine an interracial realtionship between a Palestinian-Israeli woman, Samira Saraya , and a Jewish-Israeli woman, Ravit Geva. Saraya, an anti-Zionist activist, speaks for the brutal occupation in Gaza as well as the racism against Palestinians within the supposedly safe, liberal state of Israel that's all about cultural diversity. Geva, even though supportive of her partner Saraya's activism and politics, fails to recognize her privileges as a white Jewish Israeli at times. While Saraya talks about how Palestinians are treated as second-class citizens and have no voice in the society, Geva interrupts and says, "Yes they can speak. There's freedom of speech in Israel!" Saraya quickly responds, "freedom of speech for whom?"

In another tract of the storyline, the film follows the life of Boody, gay and devout Muslim, risks his life by sneaking through the wire from the West Bank to Shushan to perform as a drag queen and, like what he says, "we are just going there to have fun. We are not going there to throw bombs." The film reveals his relationship with his mom, who is aware of his son's sexuality and not accepted, but is supportive to her son in her own way. The portrayal of Boody critics the dominant Western discourse of outness, in which the conflicts of religion and family are often impossible to co-exist with outness. Boody ends up in a small town in Connecticut, where he finds his partner and sees the limitations of queer immigrant rights in the US.

The film also follows the story of a Jewish-Arabic Israeli, Adam Russo, who is stabbed by an Orthodox Jew in Jerusalem's Gay Pride Parade. A former Israeli soldier and has clear Zionist ideology, Russo is not defeated by the gay-bashing incident and still carries his Israeli flag in Pride. At the end of the film, he is preparing his marriage with another Israeli man and moving into house he just brought in the Israeli settlement in West Bank.

The director of the film, Yun Suh, a first-generation Korean American from California, talked about how her inspiration for making this documentary about the Palestinian-Israeli gay communities was her experience of being an outsider, as an immigrant and a woman of color in the US. Having the privilege to be a documentary maker in the central of the conflict during the war as well as interview these people who might have risked their lives to be on the big screen, Suh fails to use the documentary as a crucial tool to really critic how liberal Zionism portrays Israel as a safe haven for queers but in fact only further justifies Israel as an apartheid state and its continuing siege in Gaza. While the film shows the possibility of love, empathy, and forgiveness can exist among Israelis, Palestinians, queer and straight folks, it fails to take a clear anti-Zionist, anti-Imperialist stance in the midst of some very extreme forms of violence against Palestinians, against people of color, and against queers. After all, queer liberation is not a dance party in the gay bar in Tel Aviv, but a space of justice where every kind of otherness can belong to that we will and must fight for all.