欲望和運動以及社會再生產。

重病的結尾刺了青，隔天就傳出台灣人民佔領立院的消息，從那天之後，整整一週，即使遠在紐約但仍強迫性地關注每一個報導每一篇文章，沒有任何慾望，不想吃，不想睡，無法思考性愛，在社群網站上和朋友一來一回辯論，在駐紐約台灣辦事前抗爭時想破壞一切，在工作時刻感到巨大的無助和孤單。3/23凌晨看著整夜國家暴力血腥實鏡劇場的轉播，即時離開了螢幕，身體因為憤怒和痛苦都是顫抖著的，想起2010年的巴勒斯坦獨立運動，那時候巴勒斯坦對我而言，直到2012年拜訪，都是一個從未踏入的領土，從反帝國主義所建立出來對於群體運動的深深感情，從沒想到有一天能被台灣的自主運動再度喚起。因為反服貿事件也和一群在紐約的朋友更建立了深厚的情感，我相信革命的最後，其實都是關乎如此每日生活的社會關係和社會再生產的改變，每一次的辯論，集體的抗爭，因為行動而凝結的情感，都將被記憶在我們的身體之中，直到再一次再一次，更大的爆發。我原想我的刺青是關乎於愛，而經過這次顛覆我想像的事件，我更覺得它是為了紀念一個時代。因為不正義和國家暴力而被緊緊牽連在一起的我們的命運。沒有欲望的未來是死的。無論多辛苦多絕望都不要忘記愛護身邊的人，因為那是正義最終的歸宿。

未雨綢繆的週末和整個人生

Sandy颶風來了和新室友囤積了一櫥櫃乾糧而窗外一點動靜也沒有。紐約這城市總像是因為被好萊塢電影過度地世界末日災難性後地描繪後容易大驚小怪。萬聖節是吧也全無裝扮的心情不過是聽了馬克斯讀書會朋友future or what樂團在禮拜五晚上靠河岸的williamsburg酒吧過早的表演後，一心想要回家念完post-colonial feminism的課堂文章並把紅酒喝完和女友說話。太過想念的這幾天只想要被無盡地佔有。想要確認未來的種種可能。比如二十八歲的職業。三十五歲的城市居所。四十一歲中年危機的項目。五十九歲時重新審視對於「女同志」、「代議政治」、「知識份子」、「美國」、「婚姻」、或者「羊肉炒麵」這類概念名詞的想法。想要和所愛的人無論一切客觀條件的反覆挑戰都能夠更加相愛並且義無反顧。

尚未到達的地方。

"I have not been anywhere your heart is breathing."

在以色列的時候我十分想念台灣，即使對於我而言這兩個國家的連結點相當fucked up--在國家的主權受到威脅下而實行種族主義的政策，甚至於長年的戰爭和殖民--Tel Aviv小巷子內女同志暗示的咖啡廳讓我感覺我在台北。我和E在老街的中產階級男同志lounge bar喝威士忌談著失敗的戀情和運動，也許有時候我們就是得接受此刻的悲觀、寂寞、或者慾望，不去拼命與壞掉情緒部份的自己脫節。E離開以色列已經七年，我們都帶著想家卻又有政治矛盾的鄉愁吧，也許這一輩子注定了得不斷遷移的認知。異鄉的莫名熟悉感混合著喬治亞的餃子以及蘇格蘭威士忌，我在留著L word shane髮型的調酒師前流眼淚，像個迷了路的慌張觀光客。我跟E說，有時候我就是這麼寂寞然後悲觀啊，在不同的城市假想可以擁有完全不同的人生，不同的過去和未來。想要完全不管後果的愛上誰。慾望著美好複雜多愁善感，穿著像是Architecture Digest雜誌中北歐設計師的良好黑色西裝夾克並且盤著深色長髮的E。被她像是永遠的觀光客般的保護著。我們都老去太快，生命中想要的事卻如此遙遠而無法觸及，而我們在那一刻可以和對方分享的不過是彼此的哀傷。

Jaffe是一個逐漸被貴族化的阿拉伯城市--我們和伊朗裔做關於巴勒斯坦女同志研究的activist學者走過花花綠綠的市集。一個攤販的女主人在我門試穿過二手皮衣後猛追著我們算賬。我逃到一間堆滿舊器具和藝術品的巴勒斯坦店。店老闆在舊金山住了三十年，我們談著美國西岸的城市，他說他從來都不喜歡西雅圖，噢那雨！我們都這麼抱怨著。天很快就暗了，我們在Yafa Cafe，Tel Aviv唯一的巴勒斯坦書店/咖啡廳。我翻著法農的Black Skin White Mask以及巴勒斯坦的手工藝術歷史。在這戰爭發生著的城市，我們才了解反殖民文化的重要性。

要離開以色列前一晚的十一點，臨時被通知明早機場將有的工人罷工行動，於是班機得提早離開。我和E的瑜伽老師表姐抽著手捲煙談著國民黨和1949年的戰爭，以及以色列掌權的猶太基本教義團體，等待E從她的約會回家然後道別。五天，是多麼短暫的旅行。我用espresso的杯數紀念我所錯失的關於這塊土地的一切，我所無法徹底理解的一切。

anxiety in the suburb of southern california. counting palm trees.

sitting in the hotel in riverside, california, wondering why i even came to this place in the first place. "critical ethnic studies: the future of genocide" is the title of the conference. it sounded like a pretty neat idea last year, but the whole field perpetuating with academic jargons totally drove me crazy. homocolonalism? this one is new. we are telling the young minds to follow the master's languages and keep reproducing differently decorated but inherently the same ideas. i like how at least at this conference people generally have a sense of discomfort of being in academia--but i wonder if this discomfort has transformed to a hipster logic that "it's cool to criticize it but not cool to admit you can't avoid being part of it, too." every panel has little deconstructionist aesthetics of ( ) and other weird symbols in it, such as (de)colonizing queer or (re)imaging, etc, etc. i don't get the significances of the symbols. so what can we really achieve after knowing the inherent anti-blackness in mainstream gay and lesbian movement, or the neoliberalism in queer category?! then what?! or what do we get from know that homonationalism is not a post-911 thing but occurred back in roosevelt's days? i'm looking for a methodology in not only thinking, but doing something about this. calling out for "alliances" is definitely not enough anymore. nor is (re)inventing flashy terminology, pardon me.

WE WILL NOT FORGET PALESTINE

一九四八巴勒斯坦種族淨化
by周世瑀

五月十五日是巴勒斯坦人的浩劫(Nakba)日，也是巴勒斯坦人哀悼以色列宣告獨立翌日，旋即以軍事行動種族淨化巴勒斯坦。

以色列政府自一九四八年迄今一再謊稱巴勒斯坦人拒絕聯合國於一九四七年十一月分割巴勒斯坦領土的建議，係因巴勒斯坦人無意追求和平。以色列於一九四 八年五月十四日甫宣告獨立，旋即遭「心有不忿」的阿拉伯聯軍圍攻。阿拉伯聯軍廣播要求巴勒斯坦人「撤離」巴勒斯坦領土，待阿拉伯聯軍「消滅」以色列後，巴 勒斯坦人即可返回。由於聯軍來勢洶洶，以色列只得死地求生。第一次以阿戰爭期間，阿拉伯人係「自願離開」巴勒斯坦。此為阿拉伯國家發動「侵略」戰爭自食惡 果。阿拉伯人所謂的以色列種族淨化巴勒斯坦、巴勒斯坦難民問題、七十五萬巴勒斯坦人在一九四八年遭以色列軍隊驅逐的浩劫，皆為阿拉伯人捏造。儘管以色列的 建國神話荒誕不經，至今仍有人深信不疑。(read more)

你為何不乾脆做我的女朋友呢，台灣？

我們有這麼多的共通點，但是又不一樣地足夠
留有一些情趣。我們說同樣的語言
卻有不同地域性的腔調
我也遇見過和你相似的女孩，在北美
但是她們都令人失望地中產階級
喝星巴克拿鐵、去時尚沙發酒吧
大概還有Club Monaco的貴賓卡
星期天晚上韓式美容Spa

沒有人理解
我為什麼不能忘卻你，台灣
分開已經這麼多年
你的影像已漸漸變得模糊
但是你的味道，那濕熱，和
那微妙的酸，我無法忘懷
我想要像國中生般牽著你的手
在夜市裡散步
不計較卡路里地吃甜點
我想要和你到屋頂上
看月亮形狀的變化並且談
二二八，那場向國民黨專政
的反殖民暴動。都還不到一個世紀
大多數的人卻已經忘記白色恐怖
像那只是一部紅極一時的好萊屋
恐怖電影

你曾經跟我說過你的前任，那些
多毛的歐洲渾蛋，對待你
像是他們貴族航海旅遊的臨時賓館
還有那個父權的日本鬼子
完全的控制癖，試圖抹除你的身分認同
並且恐嚇殺死你，若是你出軌
你發誓你再也不要和那些外國人交往了
畢竟被物化和被剝削並不是一件好玩的事
你只想要認識一個家教良好的華人男孩
但你從來沒有想到，當民國三十八年
國民黨進入你的生命，你的惡夢才正開始
他比之前的日本人還糟
即使他不斷宣稱你們留著
相同的血液。他殺了你的阿公阿罵
辦了幾場腐敗的選舉還說
這對你是好的。噢台灣，
這是一件經典的家暴案例
而當你向外界求救，那些西方的涉入者
只對你的錢和你的身體有興趣
你開始覺得他們就像你的前任
那些多毛的白人資本主義混蛋

噢台灣，你為什麼不乾脆做我的女朋友
你比自己想像中還來得酷兒太多了。你是如此
充滿生命。我想要打破你歷史創傷
建築的那些牆。
我想要和你一起去伴侶
心理治療。想要帶你去女同志酒吧
喝廉價啤酒
嗑瓜子，談馬克思主義
和那些被銷毀的激進歷史
我想要帶你去所有的派對
向我的朋友炫耀你
我想要和你一起回家。
重建。追憶。和革命。

why don't you be my girlfriend, taiwan?

we have so much in common, but different enough
to be erotic. we speak the same language with distinctly
geographical accents.
i've met girls that remind me of you, here
in North America, but they are so disappointedly
bourgeois. drinking Starbucks,
frequenting fancy bars,
have membership at Club
Monaco, Sunday evening
Korean spa.

no one understands
why i can't get over you, taiwan.
after all these years being apart
your image has become a bit fuzzy
but your smell, the heat, and the subtle
sourness, i can't forget.
i wanna hold your hands like middle schoolers
take a walk in the night market
eat sweets without calculating
calories. i wanna get on the rooftop
watch the moon change its shape and talk about
228. the anti-colonial uprising
against the KMT. it hasn't even been a century
but people already forgot about the White Terror
like it was just another Blockbuster horror movie

you used to tell me about your exes, those
hairy European assholes, treated you like a motel
of their royal voyage. and the patriarchal Japanese,
the control freak, who tried to erase your identity
and threatened to kill you if you cheat.
you swore you were done with the foreigners then
it's not fun to be objectified and exploited, after all,
you just wanted to date a good Chinese boy
but you never expected that when the KMT
arrived in your life, your worst nightmare began
he was eviler than the Japanese
even though he claimed to have the same blood
as you do. he killed your grandpa grandma
held a few corrupted elections and told you
how it was supposed to be good for you.
oh taiwan, it's a classic domestic violence case
but when you ask for help, the Western interventionists
were only interested in your money and your body
you start to think that they are just like your exes
those hairy white capitalist assholes
they are all the same

oh taiwan, why don't you be my girlfriend
you are so much queerer than you think you are
so full of life. i wanna break those walls
you built around yourself from past traumas
i wanna go to couple's therapy with you
take you to a lesbian bar, drink cheap beers
nibble on watermelon seeds
talk about Marxism, and all the radical history
that has been erased. i wanna take you out to every party
and show you off to all my friends
i wanna go home with you.
rebuild. recollect. and revolt.

Where was/is the Taiwanese Left?

我最近在讀兩本書，Tony Cliff的《Lenin》和陳芳明的《殖民地台灣：左翼政治運動史論》革命性地改變我對左翼運動的看法。在充滿著反共意識的台灣長大，我對於台灣的左翼沒有一點概念。究竟是台灣的左翼不存在，還是這些歷史都被扭曲殲滅了呢？陳芳明的這本書回答了我一部分的疑問。一九二八年台灣共產黨，在第三國際的指導下成立。初期的主要領導，謝雪紅和林木順等人，都曾去莫斯科留學，修習馬克思列寧主義的革命理念和方法，並在台共的黨綱中強調，在日本殖民之下，反帝國台灣民族獨立運動對於全球階級革命的重要性。他們認為，若是殖民地能夠發動獨立革命運動，就能夠有效推翻帝國主義的基礎並動搖殖民母國的經濟體制。這種殖民地革命具有民族革命以及階級革命雙重效力的想法根源，即是列寧的主張。雖然台共才生存了短短三年，在中共的干涉，和新美帝國主義的破壞下瓦解，台共留下許多今日的左翼行動主義者可以學習的策略，比如聯合陣線、刊物發行、反殖民及民族運動在階級運動中不可妥協的必要性。在西雅圖做巴勒斯坦反殖民和勞工運動後，讀起這些厚重的歷史我漸漸有了較深的理解。台灣的左翼運動在日本殖民者、中共官方、和國民黨的邊緣化之下，被歷史描寫地微不足道。而現今的政府仍以經濟為藉口，向中共靠攏，中國意識和台灣意識混亂不清。就如陳芳明所說的，這些都代表著台灣尚未進入後殖民的社會，能夠去釐清殖民者錯誤歷史解釋。而現今的左翼人士該學習的，就是那些被抹去的運動歷史，並隨時保持著批判的和不斷改進的精神，反抗統治者的專權以及民族和階級的壓迫。

No Vancouver 2010 Winter Olympics on Native Land

An Indigenous anti-Olympics organization came down to Seattle for a panel about their anti-colonial and anti-Capitalist struggles around this coming Winter Olympics in Vancouver, Canada. Olympics are not more about multi-billion industry building and waste productions than about sports. It brings along severe problems including homelessness, ecological destruction, huge public debt, sexual tourism on women of color. An Indigenous movement has risen to challenge the colonialist and Capitalist nature of Olympics as well as the Canadian state.

Resist 2010: Eight Reasons to Oppose the 2010 Winter Olympics. (LOW RES) from BurningFist Media on Vimeo.

No Olympics on Stolen Native Land

10 Reasons to Resist 2010

1. Colonialism & Fascism
The modern Olympics have a long history of racism, from its early founding members (i.e., Pierre de Coubertin, a French Baron who advocated sports as a means of strengthening colonialism) to recent IOC presidents. The 1936 Berlin Olympics empowered Hitler’s Nazi regime. Both the 1988 Seoul and 2008 Beijing Summer Games helped legitimize authoritarian regimes in Asia. The 1968 Mexico City Olympics (where over 300 student protesters were massacred by soldiers, days before the Olympics began) also helped legitimize state terror. IOC President Avery Brundage, an infamous US racist and Nazi sympathizer, didn’t even acknowledge the massacre. But when two Black US athletes raised their fists in a Black power salute on the medal podium, he had them immediately stripped of their medals and ejected from the Games! Another well-known fascist IOC president was Juan Antonio Samaranch (IOC president from 1980-2001), a former government official in Franco’s fascist regime in Spain.

2. No Olympics on Stolen Land
BC remains largely unceded and non-surrendered Indigenous territories. According to Canadian law, BC has neither the legal nor moral right to exist, let alone claim land and govern over Native peoples. Despite this, and a fraudulent treaty process now underway, the government continues to sell, lease and ‘develop’ Native land for the benefit of corporations, including mining, logging, oil & gas, and ski resorts. Meanwhile, Indigenous peoples suffer the highest rates of poverty, unemployment, imprisonment, police violence, disease, suicides, etc.

3. Ecological Destruction
Despite claims to be the “greenest Olympics” ever, and PR statements about ‘sustainability’, the 2010 Olympics will be among the most environmentally destructive in history, with tens of thousands of trees cut down & mountainsides blasted for Olympic venues in the Callaghan Valley (near Whistler) & the Sea-to-Sky Highway expansion. In the summer of 2007, a record number of black bears were hit on the Sea-to-Sky Highway, with at least 11 dying (attributed to loss of habitat). Massive amounts of concrete used in construction have also caused millions of Salmon to die in the Fraser River, where tons of gravel are being mined to make concrete.

4. Homelessness
Since winning the 2010 Winter Games in 2003, Vancouver has lost over 850 units of low-income housing; during the same period, homelessness has increased from 1,000 to over 2,500. It is estimated by 2010, the number of homeless may be as high as 6,000. Since the 1980s, Olympic Games have caused the displacement of over 2 million people (Fair Play for Housing Rights report, 2007). In Seoul 1988, some 750,000 poor were displaced, in Atlanta 1996, over 30,000, and for Beijing in 2008, an estimated 1.5 million have been displaced. Yet still today Olympic officials talk about ‘sustainability’ and ‘Olympic legacies’!

5. Criminalization of the Poor
To ‘clean out’ the poor and undesirables, Olympic host cities routinely begin a campaign to criminalize the poor. In Vancouver, the city has launched Project Civil City and new by-laws to criminalize begging for money, sleeping outdoors, etc. It has also included hundreds of thousands of dollars for increased private security (i.e., the Downtown Ambassadors). New garbage canisters on streets make it more difficult for the poor to gather recyclables, and new benches make it impossible to lay down. These measures fit with government plans to remove poor downtown residents to mental institutions, “detox centers” on former military bases, and the ‘fly-back’ scheme by police to return persons wanted on warrants in other provinces. This is nothing less than a process of social cleansing!

6. Impact on Women
Events such as the Olympics draw hundreds of thousands of spectators and cause large increases in prostitution and trafficking of women. In Vancouver, over 68 women are missing and/or murdered. Many were Native, and many were reportedly involved in the sex trade. In 2007, the trial of William Pickton occurred for six of these murders, and he is to be tried for an additional 20 more. In northern BC, over 30 young women, mostly Native, are missing and/or murdered along Highway 16. The 2010 Olympics and its invasion of tourists and corporations will only increase this violence against women.

7. 2010 Police State
Some 12,500 police, military and security personnel are to be deployed for 2010, including Emergency Response Teams, riot cops, helicopters, armoured vehicles, etc. The RCMP plan on erecting 40 km of crowd-control fencing along with CCTV video surveillance cameras. Special security zones will be established to control entry near Olympic venues. For 3 weeks, Vancouver will be an occupied Police State! And once the Olympics are over, there is no guarantee many of these security measures will not remain (i.e., CCTV).
Repression also involves attacks on anti-Olympic groups & individuals, including arrests of protesters, raids of offices, surveillance, media smear campaigns, cuts to funding programs, etc., all in an effort to undermine anti-2010 resistance. This repression has already been used against anti-poverty & housing groups, environmentalists and Natives, in Vancouver.

8. Public Debt
VANOC and government officials claim the 2010 Games will cost some $2 billion. However, this amount doesn’t include the Sea-to-Sky Highway expansion, the Canada Line Skytrain to the airport, the Vancouver Convention Center, or the lower mainland Gateway Project. Including these costs, since they were necessary to win the bid and had to be completed by 2010, makes the true cost of the Games some $6 billion, which must be paid for through public debt, money that could’ve been spent on social services, housing, drug treatment, healthcare, etc.

9. Olympic Corruption
The modern Olympics are well known for their corruption, including both top IOC officials involved in bribery scandals (i.e. Salt Lake City 2002) or athletes found to be using performance-enhancing drugs (such as steroids). Yet the IOC still claims the youth need an inspiration and a “model” of good sportsmanship! Despite published reports of bribery scandals involving IOC members and host cities (i.e., The New Lords of the Rings, by Andrew Jennings), the Olympics continue to be seen as an honorable & noble enterprise, thanks to the corporate media.

10. Corporate Invasion
Government’s and business use the Olympics as a means to attract corporate investment. In BC, the Liberal government has ‘streamlined’ application processes, cut taxes, and offered other incentives to increase certain industries such as mining, oil & gas drilling, and ski resorts. This includes large increases in transport systems, including new ports, bridges, expanded highways & rail-lines. This is all part of their Investment to 2010 Strategy. The results have been dramatic, record-breaking increases in these industries, resulting in greater environmental destruction and more corporate power & influence over our daily lives.

Many of the main corporate sponsors of the Olympics are themselves responsible for massive ecological destruction and human rights violations, including McDonalds, Coca-Cola, Petro-Canada, TransCanada, Dow, Teck Cominco, etc., while others are major arms manufacturers (General Electric & General Motors).

Tear down the wall!

Palestinians mark 20 years since Fall of Berlin Wall by tearing down part of Israeli apartheid wall!

反殖民學習的另一種產物。

一整個下午讀著陳芳明寫的《殖民地台灣。左翼政治運動史論》，想著自己不在台灣，組織這群東非、東南亞、韓國移民的學校工友的動力也許大部分也是來自於這樣的鄉愁。說鄉愁感覺很陳腐，但我看見這群我爸媽同年紀的工友很難不想到他們。(上禮拜的遊行完他們還買pizza給我們吃！)畢業典禮結束的那個下午媽媽從台灣打電話來，急切的問我有沒有拍穿學士服的照片。我的整個心情還掛在抗爭Robert Gates以及組員被逮捕的忿怒和焦慮之中，但這一切最好也太難說明白。我只能說畢業典禮太熱了所以我提早離開。一半的自己時常提醒著自己在這裡的行動主義也緊密牽繫著台灣的社會運動。事實是，台灣曾有的抗清和抗日的反帝國反殖民左翼運動被我們的資本教育成功的抹去。現在學習只是為了找一份溫飽的工作而非解放思想。希望藉由在美國與不同的亞裔行動主義者的合作來塑造一個新的亞洲身分，一個非模範少數、非資本昏頭亞洲四小龍、非巨大購物商場貼白人屁股的亞洲身分。我們不能只等待第三個intifada崛起、或者另一個天安門事件發生...

我想家。但現在還不是回去的時候。。iris在台灣學混音。val和三個舞者勾結準備拍半小時的紀錄片。芝芝畢業了也考上想進的學校。有時候我也覺得寂寞(還是lindsay去舊金山六天的關係？)我想念妳們。至少JM在這裡還可以跟我用中文在咖啡廳偷講愚蠢美國人的壞話。