I spent most of April trying to pull off a queer people of color dance party as a fundraiser for the may 3rd strike--it was extremely stressful but too fun to resist! We got the space at Hidmo, awesome qpoc spoken word poets and musicians. Everything just seemed to come together on that night, the poetry, the movie, the music, the people, the space, and the political messages we were sending out. It's weird because you would think that making qpoc the targeted audience you would be limiting who you were attracting. On the contrary, we had almost 200 people showed up that night--and lots of folks can't wait for another event like this. As a qpoc i feel everything we are fighting for--labor, immigrant rights, queer lib--just came together on that night, when i saw a room full of queer folks and folks of color responding so well to the May 3rd strike and March 4th action against privatization of university and its workplace. Some queer folks may see labor as something not concerned them or not related to their life struggle, but i would say labor is as much about workplace as bedroom. I know locally some queer activists are fighting for a grant that can build a cafe shop that would continually hire queer youth. While I understand the work is important, I also feel like we've fought for queer only space for a while, and it's about time for us queers to join the struggle at workplace, fighting for more accessible education, and just workplace for all. This notion of queer vs. class could be really harmful for the working-class and queer communities and would just continually privatize queer issue as something thats only about our sexuality.
On the next day I saw a lot of qpoc from last night at the May Day immigrant rights march. That was the time i felt this is really my community. I felt very honored to work alongside with everyone for queer lib even though we have to fight through so many barriers to come together and to finally get to know one another.
We had blankets on the grass with homemade pasta, salsa, chips, cake and iced tea. On the other side of Gaswork park there was a hetero wedding. The bride was taking a 30 minute walk with solemn music like the world is going to end. It's a busy summer we all try as much as we can not be to stressed out by the crises around the world. A lot of real work has to be done and that's why DI is not only a bowling night- it's a 20 hour unpaid part-time job and 24/7 mind game for real! At least we all found each other and built this community together. I'm proud to be part of the group and excited about where this movement is taking us. This is more like a graduation ceremony than the one with 3000 people plus Robert Gates, Mark Emmert, and some racist haters in the crowd.
Lindsay is turning 27 and for the nostalgia that we won't be as mini as one minute ago again, we had a mini party last weekend. All sorts of people came- the tongzhi crew, DI folks, straight but not narrow supporters (shannon yes it's you!), and some random couples and i'm still suspicious that husband with short shorts is somewhat queer. Oh whatever. We were on Capitol Hill and 8 out of 10 guys dress that way anyways.
It is in those space and time I feel having a queer community of families and friends is possible. There are already so many walls dividing us- the subtly racist politics of the white dominant queer community, the homophobic and patriarchal rhetorics of home, the masculine nature of most of the activist groups, the fear we have, of being too vulnerable or losing each other, even between lovers and friends.
I'm making effort to break out of my own walls. I've made peace with my queerness and respect for my family. The sacrifice of it is not being able to share most of my life with them- I'm learning to love them in a different way, even though homophobia makes me choose to be a daughter or a lover. I'm learning to, be vulnerable but also optimistic about my relationship with lindsay, and the possibility of a stable, trusting queer relationship that will redefine what family is capable to be. I'm learning to take down my guards with men, especially straight men. I know that not all masculinity is threatening and rape is a product of patriarchy. I'm learning that I don't have to be defensive with everyone in that figure, that gender, or that anatomy.
Sometimes I'm just so tired of being the one who has to constantly defend myself, my identity, my history, my desire, or my community. And thats exactly why we need to all make effort to break down these walls between us. To have a culture and community that practice radical politics but also love and care at the same time. If we don't start talking and asking questions, every queer conversation would remain to be a confession, awkward silence, or turn into a critique of identity politics. If we don't even know how to love and nurture people near us, how can we fight for queer liberation? The liberation that is supposed to break down those walls that prohibit desires and human connections.
I'm too much of a dreamer sometimes and I long for this queer community. It is so essential to our survival because heterosexism is constantly pushing us away from people we love, and making us fight against one another. I certainly feel powerless at times and just want to go back to the isolated state that makes me feel safe. But this community I have- even small and with enemies at all fronts- reminds me that we are all loved and we have to make effort to connect with others who might feel fragile or uncertain or even indifferent at times. And it all starts from small steps. No matter its a mini party or low budget anti-war graduation party or short cigarette break during the intense organizing meeting- we are building a movement, and this queer community is and has been part of it.
