「純粹的藝術」

在紐約看艾未未，目前美國人聽到對於跟任何中國有關議題就會瘋狂掏錢的迷思，跟某些只要聽到跟紐約沾上邊的事情就會高潮的文青潮流臺灣作家一樣，令人從胃中感到灼燒般地火大。當然看到那幾萬根四川地震殘留下的樑柱堆疊在布魯克林美術館的大展廳，我不能說我是不感動的，又或者是他那些八零年代在紐約東村留下的黑白快照--y說得對，艾未未厲害的地方是他很早就學會美國當代藝術的「姿態」。他是黃皮膚的Andy Warhol，當共產主義對於美國青年還是性感的時候。我在三十年後的東村這已經被兩百倍中產階級化的區域，看到美術館販賣部呈列著將艾未未視為某種毛澤東第二的坑錢文創商品仍是感到崩潰。但若藝術不能被販賣或交易，誰還give a shit？

看完展覽後被冒牌學者的冒牌行動主義藝術再次惹火後，抽根菸又覺得其實艾未未的東西還算有意思。畢竟若真要說這世界上還有什麼是「純粹的藝術」-- 晚間在washington square park來了一群舊金山小眾詩社的出版朗讀派對，還得請街友讓位後才有地方坐下讀詩。第一首某種非常西岸的無政府主義風格取笑貓咪爬上筆記型電腦這類的美式笑點我還能夠理解，但那歐系的超現實主義幽默配上佛朗明戈的舞蹈我實在是無法駕馭啊！我承認我血液中已經有了太多的美式實用主義--我那些對於犯罪電視影集的癖好，系統的認證和不完美但卻是寫實的人性刻劃。再抽一根菸，我想，所謂純粹的藝術，實在是太苦太苦了。

被隔離的時空。

教書之後我也開始重溫一晚喝紅酒一晚抽大麻的舊習。總是修改不完的講稿--我覺得微軟真的應該多創造不同種類六〇年代懷舊風的powerpoint主題，我已經厭倦了post-millennium的冰冷現代主義美學感。對於一個身為25歲身型相對來講渺小的亞裔大學講師，要如何塑造任何一絲權威幾乎是不可能的任務。我一個個濃妝或者發育比我良好的美國大學生總是叫著我"professor"，我於是回"wen"，然後他們說"professor wen"，在這一來一回的交談中我總擔心著被發現我不過就是個膺品，而在某方面我們又是那麼地相像--這群道地紐約小孩，各自帶著複雜的移民史或者階級歷程，相較於他們我甚至還是帶著某部份西岸的單純，我的學生比我更還了解都市貴族化的意義，或者"種族"以及"階級"這些抽象概念的複雜性。我和公立大學體制的愛恨關係，沒完沒了。在新疆做研究的人類學學者G來紐約參加研討會，我們聊著天，我們這麼容易地去批判一些同事liberal/reformist的學術作品或者所謂的"activism"，但是想想，我們又做了什麼呢？實踐什麼呢？2008年的工友爭鬥是一個相當物質性實在的運動，而那之後呢？不過是一些零星的遊行，研討會的報告，或者是工作之餘只剩下三分力氣的教育工作場所自主工人運動。我想，至少在這壓迫的新自由主義掌控下，我還有這一些小時，費盡心思的讓我的學生能有一個比較思想自由的學習空間。至少我還有這麼少許的分鐘，抵抗著資本的疏離。

rice cooker crisis

I almost had a panic attack when i found my rice cooker half dead this morning. I don't know why a piece of 10+ years old, dirty green rice cooker could make me so paranoid. I really didn't care that much about eating my taro buns (...well maybe i did). But it was almost as if it broke then, my last Taiwanese identity would be taken away by the inevitable dominant American culture in the air. Honestly, I never felt so Asian American my whole life.

Booked the tickets for Taiwan and Singapore with April yesterday. Part of me is happy about going home and spending perhaps the last stress-less winter break with my family. Part of me is wondering if this WILL be the last stress-less break between me and my family. I'm excited though, to be in Taiwan and Singapore with friends i met here. I have a feeling that it could change my outlook of what this gigantic geographical location means to me. It'd be great to see this part of Asia not just with nostalgia and huge appetite, but also with a new political understanding of our identities in the US that have been heavily shaped by what's happening at home.

10 days away from the GRE test. 10 days away from fall. 3 months away from deadlines. 3 months away from home. My stress hormones rise and fall with my google calendar. I kept talking about wanting to change this condition but haven't put too much effort into action. Lindsay said i might be in denial, telling myself that this is not urgent enough to do anything about it. And i found it very convincing. I really should set my sanity as one of my priorities. We start going to yoga classes together though. My muscles were so relaxed last night that i did not have any nightmare about mom or dad. I can tell how deep i slept by how messy my hair is in the morning.

周間無害牢騷。我想念我泛亞洲笑鬧又極度嚴肅的組織夥伴

也許因為一切都太美好了所以開始無謂地擔心。擔心無聊了彼此、擔心太過放縱自己的舒適度。禮拜三晚上女朋友總是在我的公寓等我開會結束。DI的會議過了晚上九點，大家都開始焦急安耐不住。禮拜六的工友會議、下禮拜的遊行集會、又或者下週末的retreat，我們有太多事情得決定了。大家在會議中都轉換成另一面的A型人格。會議一結束後原本打算飛奔回家的，但我們怎麼樣還都算是一個pan-Asian的組織--誰提議了去Ave上的韓國珍珠奶茶店，我於是誘拐按摩完剩下半點意識的女朋友出來和一群吵嚷嚷的行動主義青年喝芒果冰沙加珍珠。即便我們這群人的平均年齡大概是二十五，突然我覺得自己像回到高中的時候，十點多沒有地方去於是圍在喧嚷的茶店裡打打鬧鬧。我抱怨著上禮拜National Queer API Conference無知又壓迫的第二代紐約華裔美國男同志--那幾乎是另一個討人厭的主流酷兒社群。不是說要討論東亞人的特權嗎？中國主權！？美國華人的身分被無政治化的嚴重！而April剛拿到一個非營利組織的工作，半開玩笑地說要把我們加入她的queer advisory board。這個冬天她要去印尼，jane mee要回新加坡，我們討論著可能的印尼-台灣-新加坡、東/東南亞短程旅行。我說這樣一來lindsay就可以來台灣找我了！因為我家人一定分不出來究竟誰是我的女朋友。家人剛離開西雅圖，才短短一個禮拜，但我真想念這群朋友，嚴肅或者不正經地玩笑、管他政治正不正確。

冬天仍是充滿變數。回到家只想把她抱緊。我只是在喃喃發著牢騷想要和她有更多的時間相處。每天早上七點和她起床準備上班，我都怪罪資本主義。我說妳把我寵壞了，我從來沒感覺這麼快樂並穩定過--即使明年一開始，馬上地，我們就要面臨許多關於家人的、關於遷徙的、一切關於改變的、以及關於這個普遍恐同文化的挑戰。

i knew nothing about bone marrow transplant but ended up writing this article

it was a good experience talking with 10 different contacts about something i barely knew but i definitely learned a lot during the process. we always hear our elders say how important it is to continue our blood line. i guess if it's in this context that relates to someone's survival, without all the patriarchal and heterosexist assumptions about the role of a woman's body, then i'd definitely be there.

Vietnamese doctor in dire need of more Asian bone marrow donors

PROUD ASIANS, FIERCE QUEERS

Politics run rampant in Seattle's Pride Parade

By Wen Liu
Northwest Asian Weekly

Thousands of people congregated along Fourth Avenue to cheer for nearly 200 groups marching in Seattle’s Pride Parade on Sunday, June 28.

Various Asian organizations including Sahngnoksoo — a Korean and Korean American organization, Trikone — a group of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer South Asians — and Khmer In Action (KIA) all participated and marched together to represent queer Asian communities. In addition to the festive spirit of marchers, they also came with political agendas...