my uninvolvement in the city

i wake up around 5 every morning due to jet-lag. but i also like the morning in taipei because you can really feel like the city is about to rise to its full working potential while the subway is packed and people walking by you speedily. i feel instantly exhausted when i head out because of the heat. we took an one hour highway bus to Hsinchu, Ku and i discussed the sectarianism and the general uninvolvement in the Taiwanese left. 4 hour coalition meeting with concerned Catholic church Fathers and Sisters. Salvation Army-Taiwan wanted to join the coalition and "save" all the migrant sex workers. you can be saved as long as you are forever damaged. i ate instant ramen and kept sweating in this tiny forest of progressiveness and wondering if the Fathers wanted to save me big queer too. we took the train back to taipei and it was raining a little bit. i worry that another typhoon is coming soon. i passed out in bed by 9pm in a dream of sadness.

solidarity is a phantom concept.

i really appreciate these accidental friendships that seem to consolidate themselves into something larger with time.

you meet a lot of people in new york, millions of them everyday. in the anti-austerity rallies, union meetings, conferences, concerts, school bathrooms, parks, drag shows in brooklyn, subways...but rarely they stick around. they become something in the background of your reflection. and you forget their names the next time you seem them out of the original context.

yet perhaps its time. more and more of those people passing by start to stick around over late night politically-absurd low budget queer movies, over beers, conversations about the assimilationist neoliberal multiculturalism of the canadian state. they sort of stick on your mind for longer. and you think about them, you really appreciate having to know these people in your life, even in such brief moments.

i like to think that my consciousness is located in parts of these people. they make up the sense of my world. Vygotsky was right a long time ago, it's bullshift that there is any solitary individual existing in this world. we are all part of each other. it is that creepy.

rethink.

I've changed the layout for a new start. I buried my inner speech to deal with the stress for too long. I promise myself to write again this summer. No more anxiety about the definition of revolutionary. It's the vanguardist doctrine anyways. I need to read poetry and fiction. Life exists materially outside of the orthodox texts and confined ways of living.

I need to learn to how to be free in a nonfree world, from the left and the right.