existence.

My body must have freaked out by the sunshine and warmth in long beach, california- 80 degrees winter. And all the turkey on Thanksgiving and the never ending leftovers. I love leftovers. I think microwaves are perhaps the greatest invention of the 20th century. I felt grateful to be invited to spend this holiday with Lindsay's family- a close 2nd and 3rd Chinese American family that eats 油飯 (Lao Mai Fun, how they say it in Cantonese) on the most generic American holiday. My mom called me twice to tell me about the current economic crisis in Dubai. That's the way we communicate and care for each other, whether like it or not. This holiday reminds me too much about being an immigrant. I remember gathering at Alex's house having the Taiwanese orphan dinner around this time of the year. No matter how much we try to overlook the power of biological roots and cultural family trees, building a community with friends who share no bloodlines, they are still powerful enough to make you feel vulnerable and doubt your own existence on this very time of the year. I cried while talking with L even if i wasn't necessarily sad. I don't like to feel overpowered by own identities that I seem to be so comfortable with and have intellectualized over and over again for the past 4 years.

I slept better even though I wasn't in my bed. 10 hours every night on L's childhood bed. I wonder if it was because of being in an unfamiliar town, cellphone off. Quiet and absolute darkness. It felt like an escape before I realized we were coming back to Seattle soon. I had several dreams about my insecurities over this relationship even though I feel so strong about us. I think it's something about going back to Taiwan that made me anxious.

I didn't want L to leave for work at all this morning. Maybe it's because of my sickness that's making me feel more vulnerable and want to be taken care of. I'm trying to imagine a world with absolutely no time limit. What kind of people would we be? I took out pho to eat at home even though it was so environmentally incorrect. My alone time has extended 10 time this winter compared to fall. Perhaps it's contributing my decreased threshold level of interacting with people. Some people think I'm reserved and cold. Some think I'm timid, or angry. I think they are all not incorrect. I'm just too aware of other people's existence. If we were living in a world with no time limit, maybe you would get to know me better. But for now, I'm heading home and turning on the music so i can feel calm again.

stuck in an undefined space

在西雅圖都待了七年了，溼答答的冬天還是讓我感覺憂鬱。Alex從蒙古email給我第二個刺青的草稿--大概佔據四分之三背部的空間，我準備好了嗎？關於移民和家，作為一個移民者代表著永遠地想家，那為什麼我媽打來的電話總是讓我那麼焦慮？即使我們只不過是在談著天氣或果汁機。我不想變得無法快樂起來。聽著Mogwai的舊唱片，外面溼的一大糊塗。我感覺自己總是卡在一種尚未完成的空間裡：未完成的青春期、未完成的國際身分、語言、未完成的感情、未完成的研究、尚未抵達的學術目標。在這麼多未完成的空間之中，我的真實身分又是什麼呢？An unfinished adult, unfinished scholar, unfinished activist, unfinished lover, and nationally and semantically confused, all the time. 我渴望一份確切的旅程表，告訴我，在多少小時多少年，我可以結束這段亂流般的飛行，擁有一個可以被認清的身分，毫無猶豫地降落於地。

書寫者的空間。

禮拜六早上七點自然醒來，禮拜一到五工作的女朋友還賴在床上。天很快就亮了。關於研究所申請的事情總結束了最痛苦的一部份，剩下的都是些瑣事了。攤開一年前開始的一篇長篇小說，猶豫著是不是要繼續寫下去。腦子裡已經是很難再無限浪漫起來的人，每天想著的都是勞工、研究所、投履歷表，中文用字也越來越不準確，我想要完成這篇具有強大野心的長篇會是個馬拉松般的挑戰。我和書寫的關係越來越遠離，而這個事實讓我覺得焦慮。我需要一個假期，一個安靜的空間，一百個只喝著咖啡不說話的早晨。我相信書寫是一種勞動而不是單純地情緒發洩。十二月快來了，我的短期假期快來。昨晚April免費混進KTV跟我道別，她明天的班機去印尼，然後泰國，然後台灣。我說，我們台灣見！

Workers and Students Unite!

Out largest rally last summer against custodial swingshift cuts from the management. Tons and tons of workers came out. We broke into the UW administration's 26 floor tower. We witnessed the fear in their eyes and it was fucking awesome.

No Vancouver 2010 Winter Olympics on Native Land

An Indigenous anti-Olympics organization came down to Seattle for a panel about their anti-colonial and anti-Capitalist struggles around this coming Winter Olympics in Vancouver, Canada. Olympics are not more about multi-billion industry building and waste productions than about sports. It brings along severe problems including homelessness, ecological destruction, huge public debt, sexual tourism on women of color. An Indigenous movement has risen to challenge the colonialist and Capitalist nature of Olympics as well as the Canadian state.

Resist 2010: Eight Reasons to Oppose the 2010 Winter Olympics. (LOW RES) from BurningFist Media on Vimeo.

No Olympics on Stolen Native Land

10 Reasons to Resist 2010

1. Colonialism & Fascism
The modern Olympics have a long history of racism, from its early founding members (i.e., Pierre de Coubertin, a French Baron who advocated sports as a means of strengthening colonialism) to recent IOC presidents. The 1936 Berlin Olympics empowered Hitler’s Nazi regime. Both the 1988 Seoul and 2008 Beijing Summer Games helped legitimize authoritarian regimes in Asia. The 1968 Mexico City Olympics (where over 300 student protesters were massacred by soldiers, days before the Olympics began) also helped legitimize state terror. IOC President Avery Brundage, an infamous US racist and Nazi sympathizer, didn’t even acknowledge the massacre. But when two Black US athletes raised their fists in a Black power salute on the medal podium, he had them immediately stripped of their medals and ejected from the Games! Another well-known fascist IOC president was Juan Antonio Samaranch (IOC president from 1980-2001), a former government official in Franco’s fascist regime in Spain.

2. No Olympics on Stolen Land
BC remains largely unceded and non-surrendered Indigenous territories. According to Canadian law, BC has neither the legal nor moral right to exist, let alone claim land and govern over Native peoples. Despite this, and a fraudulent treaty process now underway, the government continues to sell, lease and ‘develop’ Native land for the benefit of corporations, including mining, logging, oil & gas, and ski resorts. Meanwhile, Indigenous peoples suffer the highest rates of poverty, unemployment, imprisonment, police violence, disease, suicides, etc.

3. Ecological Destruction
Despite claims to be the “greenest Olympics” ever, and PR statements about ‘sustainability’, the 2010 Olympics will be among the most environmentally destructive in history, with tens of thousands of trees cut down & mountainsides blasted for Olympic venues in the Callaghan Valley (near Whistler) & the Sea-to-Sky Highway expansion. In the summer of 2007, a record number of black bears were hit on the Sea-to-Sky Highway, with at least 11 dying (attributed to loss of habitat). Massive amounts of concrete used in construction have also caused millions of Salmon to die in the Fraser River, where tons of gravel are being mined to make concrete.

4. Homelessness
Since winning the 2010 Winter Games in 2003, Vancouver has lost over 850 units of low-income housing; during the same period, homelessness has increased from 1,000 to over 2,500. It is estimated by 2010, the number of homeless may be as high as 6,000. Since the 1980s, Olympic Games have caused the displacement of over 2 million people (Fair Play for Housing Rights report, 2007). In Seoul 1988, some 750,000 poor were displaced, in Atlanta 1996, over 30,000, and for Beijing in 2008, an estimated 1.5 million have been displaced. Yet still today Olympic officials talk about ‘sustainability’ and ‘Olympic legacies’!

5. Criminalization of the Poor
To ‘clean out’ the poor and undesirables, Olympic host cities routinely begin a campaign to criminalize the poor. In Vancouver, the city has launched Project Civil City and new by-laws to criminalize begging for money, sleeping outdoors, etc. It has also included hundreds of thousands of dollars for increased private security (i.e., the Downtown Ambassadors). New garbage canisters on streets make it more difficult for the poor to gather recyclables, and new benches make it impossible to lay down. These measures fit with government plans to remove poor downtown residents to mental institutions, “detox centers” on former military bases, and the ‘fly-back’ scheme by police to return persons wanted on warrants in other provinces. This is nothing less than a process of social cleansing!

6. Impact on Women
Events such as the Olympics draw hundreds of thousands of spectators and cause large increases in prostitution and trafficking of women. In Vancouver, over 68 women are missing and/or murdered. Many were Native, and many were reportedly involved in the sex trade. In 2007, the trial of William Pickton occurred for six of these murders, and he is to be tried for an additional 20 more. In northern BC, over 30 young women, mostly Native, are missing and/or murdered along Highway 16. The 2010 Olympics and its invasion of tourists and corporations will only increase this violence against women.

7. 2010 Police State
Some 12,500 police, military and security personnel are to be deployed for 2010, including Emergency Response Teams, riot cops, helicopters, armoured vehicles, etc. The RCMP plan on erecting 40 km of crowd-control fencing along with CCTV video surveillance cameras. Special security zones will be established to control entry near Olympic venues. For 3 weeks, Vancouver will be an occupied Police State! And once the Olympics are over, there is no guarantee many of these security measures will not remain (i.e., CCTV).
Repression also involves attacks on anti-Olympic groups & individuals, including arrests of protesters, raids of offices, surveillance, media smear campaigns, cuts to funding programs, etc., all in an effort to undermine anti-2010 resistance. This repression has already been used against anti-poverty & housing groups, environmentalists and Natives, in Vancouver.

8. Public Debt
VANOC and government officials claim the 2010 Games will cost some $2 billion. However, this amount doesn’t include the Sea-to-Sky Highway expansion, the Canada Line Skytrain to the airport, the Vancouver Convention Center, or the lower mainland Gateway Project. Including these costs, since they were necessary to win the bid and had to be completed by 2010, makes the true cost of the Games some $6 billion, which must be paid for through public debt, money that could’ve been spent on social services, housing, drug treatment, healthcare, etc.

9. Olympic Corruption
The modern Olympics are well known for their corruption, including both top IOC officials involved in bribery scandals (i.e. Salt Lake City 2002) or athletes found to be using performance-enhancing drugs (such as steroids). Yet the IOC still claims the youth need an inspiration and a “model” of good sportsmanship! Despite published reports of bribery scandals involving IOC members and host cities (i.e., The New Lords of the Rings, by Andrew Jennings), the Olympics continue to be seen as an honorable & noble enterprise, thanks to the corporate media.

10. Corporate Invasion
Government’s and business use the Olympics as a means to attract corporate investment. In BC, the Liberal government has ‘streamlined’ application processes, cut taxes, and offered other incentives to increase certain industries such as mining, oil & gas drilling, and ski resorts. This includes large increases in transport systems, including new ports, bridges, expanded highways & rail-lines. This is all part of their Investment to 2010 Strategy. The results have been dramatic, record-breaking increases in these industries, resulting in greater environmental destruction and more corporate power & influence over our daily lives.

Many of the main corporate sponsors of the Olympics are themselves responsible for massive ecological destruction and human rights violations, including McDonalds, Coca-Cola, Petro-Canada, TransCanada, Dow, Teck Cominco, etc., while others are major arms manufacturers (General Electric & General Motors).

Tear down the wall!

Palestinians mark 20 years since Fall of Berlin Wall by tearing down part of Israeli apartheid wall!

The workplace is crazy, not the workers: In Soo Chun's suicide and memorial

A former Korean custodian, In Soo Chun, self-immolated on Red Square at UW on October 30 last year.

I was only several feet away inside a building while him pouring gasoline all over himself and lit himself alive. My co-worker walked into the office and was completely in shock. He said to me, "there was a man on fire outside." I could not believe it. We walked out and saw helicopters and firetrucks and knew it was probably true. I learned about his story a year after from his coworkers. They said In Soo Chun was a hard-working man but was facing arbitrary transfers from the manager and was eventually terminated by the custodian services two months prior to his death.

There was no explanation from the UW administration or the media except that he was perhaps a "troubled man." His death left a ton of questions for people who witnessed the traumatic event, for his coworkers, for this public institution. The workers and us planned this memorial for him--not only to remember him but also to seek answer to the questions he left for us. Right now, workers on campus are still facing the same workplace harassment and unjust labor practices he faced. We were all wondering, who is gonna be the next among us to go crazy?

Some people walked by and said we were not being respectful for politicizing his death. While i understand that processing death and trauma can be a very private matter, I also believe that it's the individualization of the process that aggravate the degrees of grief and trauma. I've experienced the pain of suicide from someone I was very intimate with. And I wish there were someone to explain to me why people would decide to take their own lives away all of a sudden. I wrapped myself in a limbo and nothing had really resolved during those years. The individual process of grieving almost pushed me to the edge of killing myself, might as well. If I didn't devote my energy into writing, into studying psychology, understanding mental illness, I would not be able to recover from that trauma then.

That's why I think, it was important for us to gather the community, together seek answers for In Soo Chun's death. We would probably never be able to find them, because suicide is such a psychologically complex behavior by its own. But the meaning of this incident for us is concrete. The community that this event brought together was concrete. Even though I did not have chance to get to know this man, I would like to honor him with the actions against injustice on this campus where he chose to die.


In Soo Chun Memorial Video

On Seattle Times