airport complex

It's awfully empty and quiet at 11:30 pm in gate S11 at the airport. I guess May is not a busy season for people to travel internationally. I'm sitting in front of a whole wall of windows watching the airport workers do their magic work with cargos and planes. The sharp flashing lights never seem like this beautiful before. I just said goodbye to L and it was really hard. The short drive in the car we were listening to the knife and it just started to rain. My heart suddenly got dense and heavy. I'm writing down her phone number everywhere i could--on my palm, in my notebook, on the bookmark, on the itouch, as it is the most precious thing that i could not lose and that my life depended on it. I never rely anything on technology. The mind is the best storage place for the most important things. I still believe.

An EVA flight attendant got a phone call and ran to the corner to cry. She sounded confused about what has just happened. I can't really articulate how i feel at this moment either. I only know that it's too big of a emotional change to start reading this new paulo coelho novel i bought about power and fame. I'm not ready to turn off my phone yet even though i already said goodbye to L and she's probably peacefully in bed. I watch the dark night and the flight attendant, trying to locate a precise emotion. I find the bright neon light of the gate number rather comforting.

I started to write a poem for L this early afternoon but got stuck because i was too caught up in my own fear and anxiety of being apart from her. Because how openly we communicate with each other i think i forgot how to describe my feelings beyond using the simplest words. When i say i miss you at this moement, I mean I want to wrap you in my arms and kiss you goodnight, i want you to take care of yourself and think of me when you are in the house, full of our smell and sound. I want you to remember we have a big plan together and i will do anything i can to make that happen. And that this time i won't mess up.