I'm at a post-shiatsu peace in a little industrial town of the orange county called downey. Suburbs are just so depressing to me even in Christmas time while every house is blasting their baby Jesus lights. I think I forgot how to relax so when I'm not busy writing papers or reading I just feel lonely. It's in this time of the season when you are at your half Chinese American girlfriend's house, highly organized family gathering, you think you are not alone anymore and one little thing can easily break you down, like some overly creamy clam chowder reminding you that you are not American after all, that your lactos intolerant body simply cannot take it. And it's at this time of the day when everyone is gone and there are all sorts of dirty dishes in the kitchen, you are reading some lesbian poet's fictional memoir alone by the empty dining table, the house completely quiet, you think oh how I'm glad that this emptiness is not my life, and then you suddenly think about how similar your life really is, to this post-party everlasting silence and mess.
Maybe the holidays is like that anywhere. Don't you feel the holidays in Taiwan are as equally depressing? Family gatherings always feel forced to me - a bunch of people gathered together pretending they know each other.
ReplyDeleteYeah, that's why I feel there's no way to escape this
ReplyDeletehey i missed reading your blog.
ReplyDeletelets reconnect...i am ready for 2011 to be a fresh start.
i really liked this post. i have felt like this before.
happy trip back!!